When Agoraphobia Sets In You Have Lost Control

My Personal Experience With Agoraphobia

The Facts

Let’s Open With Some Factual Info The main symptoms associated with the disorder of agoraphobia are based on fears. They manifest as fearing leaving without any one, fear of crowds or public spaces like parking areas or shopping malls. The symptoms are also associated with fear of entering enclosed spaces like theatres and public transportations.
These fears are mainly related with the element of not able to escape the area or find any help in case of any critical situation happening The person suffering from the disorder start panicking in these situation and considered themselves as to be embarrassed or feel shut down in such situations (Besteher, et.al, 2018).

The Movies Make It Seem So Easy

How Agoraphobia Looks To Someone Who Faces It What this really breaks down to for someone like me, is a side affect of other mental disorders. For example I personally love with PTSD, anxiety, depression, and panic disorder among other things. All of these conditions have an aspect of paranoia, fear, and hyper vigilance. What brought my disorders all out at once was a day I was having an especially emotional morning.

This Is What It Looks Like For Me

It Can Manifest Differently For Each Person I had been having marital problems for some time, and the thought of going to work was unbearable. I had been fainting for no apparent reason for a few months and the thought of fainting at work was just too much. All of these thoughts were swirling in my mind and building up as the clock ticked closer to the time I would need to be getting in my car. I made one more plea with my husband to call into work once again that week. In an attempt to help me, he encouraged me to go and maybe it would help get my mind off what was building. Being the trooper I used to be, I got in the car and headed to work.

It Was Building

It Isn’t What You Expect About half way there I got a call from a friend. She had recently broken up with our close friend and she was worried about him. I know she didn’t want to get pulled back into his nonsense again and decided she could ask me to check on him and still keep her distance. She was afraid he was depressed and could hurt himself. I could feel my emotions at a critical stage but still needed to check on him. I called while still driving to work. Luckily he was ok, but upset and depressed. I listened as much as I could. But now their couple problems were enhancing my own fears and insecurities in my own my marriage. I began to feel like what would I do if we sit up. Would I become so depressed and adrift I would want to end it.

The Perfect Storm

We All Have Different Triggers I was now completely overcome by my feelings, they were taking over. When I pulled into the parking lot at work, I knew I wasn’t going in. I felt my heart beating. It was deafening. My hands were shaking. Tears running down my face. No longer able to function. In that moment I couldn’t drive home. I tried to tell myself to calm down. Instead of regulating my breathing it was just loud and fast. I was getting dizzy. At that point I couldn’t stop it and I was scared. I had no idea what to do.

No Turning Back

There Is Often A Pivotal Point Calling my husband was a plea for help. He started to breathe with me, giving me some relief as the dizziness started to fade. I realized I had been in this state for close to two hours at this point. I wanted to go home. With my husband still on the phone and my reluctance to admit I couldn’t drive home I pulled out of the parking spot and headed toward the freeway. I had calmed down enough to realize I was exhausted. As I merged into traffic on the freeway I realized it was rush hour. Cars where barely moving.

The Battle Was Lost

I Couldn’t Turn Back Now
My breathing again increasing and I could feel that I was hyperventilating. My husband tried to talk me through it. Realizing I was close to passing out from lack of oxygen I pulled off on the next exit. I told my husband he would have to get me. I was able to get off the freeway and turn into the first driveway. It was a truck gas station. I remember looking up at the sign and reading it to my husband.

The many faces of mental health

Shut Down


The Damage Was Done
The next thing I knew my husband was pulling me out of the car in order to get me in his car to take me home. He later told me I had made it into the parking lot and was just sitting there slumped over when he arrived. Car still running and in the middle of the way. Luckily it was a slow day and no one bothered me. When I got in his car and we drove home my body was so tight I was curled in on myself and my breathing was still erratic. I was so locked in my mind I couldn’t cry, or talk. It was like I was buffering. My brain just couldn’t reboot.

Created Bad Coping Skills


I Am Lucky To Have A Support System
Luckily my husband took care of getting my car and everything else that came up. But from that point I never went back to work. I wouldn’t leave my home. My fear now was to have that happen again. I stopped doing anything that required my to leave my yard. Then I stopped going outside, eventually I wouldn’t leave my room. I began to spend my days sitting on my bed. That became my world.

My Brain Really Tries In It’s Disfunctional Way


I Didn’t See It Coming
So my point is that it wasn’t one thing, or one problem, or even one mental disorder that brought me to that point. The collision of it all that day and how it progressed brought me to a point I was vulnerable to making a weak choice. The choice I feel that I made was to give in.. The feeling I have looking back is one of letting go. That day was continued and grew because of my inability to manage my known conditions. It had all gotten away from me.

Neecee b selfie art bright lights Agoraphobia

I Deal With It Everyday


Managing My Condition Can Be Exhausting
At that point my brain had become my enemy but also was desperately trying to protect me from the things I had built up. My body was reacting as if I was in immediate danger. The problem was there was nothing to face, nothing to protect myself from. I still struggle with doing things outside of my home. Once this door was opened it seems that no matter how hard I try I can’t close the door completely.


To Read More Of My Experiences And Perspective Please Visit
https://neeceeblogs.monster

To read More About Agoraphobia You Can Check Out My Other Posts On The Subject. I Will Also Leave Some Links Below.

https://www.verywellmind.com/homebound-with-agoraphobia-2583911

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/agoraphobia/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20355993

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