PTSD and Emotions Suck
Me Failing At Coping Skills
The result of PTSD On My Brain
Preface: I live with Anxiety, Depression, OCD, PTSD, and Agoraphobia. Sometimes I handle things better then other times. Occasionally I feel like nothing has ever been wrong. It’s an ongoing process and I just hope to have more good then bad days. My feeble attempt to explain emotions and PTSD.
I used to believe every emotion I had was real. Every one around me should acknowledge those feelings as real. I craved validation. My coping skills when dealing with my emotions was acknowledgement from others. My brain isn’t like others though. I deal with PTSD and emotions that it causes.
My Brain Coping With PTSD
I now understand emotions can be our brains way to protect us. Situations that it perceived as harmful. When your brain is always on high alert there are bound to be misfires.
Acknowledge The Effort
I have to accept my brains effort but realize the situation around me is not warranting this reaction. To be honest there are few situations other then war or a room full of five year olds that do fit.
My Brain Really Tries
So I need to thank my brain. The poor thing runs on adrenaline. Forever thinking we are about to be eaten by bear, or abducted by vicious aliens. Or even worse the paranoia of being deceived. Nothing is worse then always expecting your spouse is going to drop the bomb today. That is how I live every day. Contemplating the worst case scenario. Feeling it in my core like it’s actually happening.
Knowledge Is Power
Now I have learned to act accordingly to my surrounding. It’s hard, discounting my brains alarm system going off. Telling myself not every emotion needs to be acknowledged. And not every feeling needs to be shared. Some times I have to let them go. PTSD burns your neurons into the on position. I realize now that PTSD although well meaning is not capable of making good assessments.
This has changed my life in a positive way. Let’s be honest, if nothing else it’s not my fault. Like any other woman I want to be right. You should have heard me in the therapist office with my husband. As my therapist tries to explain to my husband my faulty thought process. I told you so, may not have ever been said so many times in one sitting. I wanted him to know I really felt all those things, for me they where real.
So many of my coping skills where created in times of panic. Fear caused by the intense emotions I was feeling. I wanted to understand but it was just a tangle of emotion. I couldn’t find a meaning, because it didn’t exist. Imagine though if you felt like your foot was being bitten off. You would be in panic, and you would want those around you to acknowledge what your going through. Confusion might drive you mad.
I know this is an exaggeration, but emotion equivalent very close. So many times I have been overloaded with emotion. Once I was able to truly understand, I was relieved. I wasn’t insane. My brain may misfire but there are reasons it reached that state. I understand it logically now.
Adjustment And Acceptance
By recognizing that I think differently then those who do not have mental illness and accepting I need new coping skills has been a relief on the pressure on my brain. When I learned to let things go it was like a heavy load was removed from inside my head.
To clarify what I mean by letting something go, it’s been accomplished through correctly prescribed medication that relieved me of the loop I was in due to OCD.
The musings of a confused brain…..
To read more about the affects of PTSD on the brain use the link below.
Scientists are now able to see that PTSD causes distinct biological changes in your brain. Not everybody with PTSD has exactly the same symptoms or the same brain changes, but there are observable patterns that can be understood and treated.