Back in the age of phones being attached to your home and the long cables getting twisted up while you sat up against the wall and talked on the phone things where very different. You couldn’t call someone to see where they where. You had to catch them before they left the house. Because of the lack of technology dating was very much different also. I grew up in a very small town. In my with grade class there where right students. It was not a diverse community, so my interactions with a lot of things was very minimal. To really give you a visual I had left home when I was 14. I bounced around a bit and ended up in San Diego. The first time I had sour cream was when I moved out of my parents house. Of course sour cream was available everywhere. Where I lived though it was over an hour to a supermarket. My family bought groceries once a month, so we didn’t get many perishables. We drank the foulest thing known to man, powdered milk. Once I was on my own and in a city there where a lot of things to explore. Food, movies, and music where the things I enjoyed most. My first concert was clash of the Titans with Slayer and Megadeath, Alice in chains opened for them. But just the mix of people was almost overwhelming. My whole till that point I had enjoyed cuddling with my female friends. But here I began to realize there where labels. I realized I was bi sexual probably leaning to woman. I was curious and wanted friends. Back then there where no apps. What you had where newspapers or flyers with personal ads. In San Diego they have a community that is predominantly gay and lesbian, so that’s where I would go to coffee shops and read the newsletters. If I wanted to meet someone I would have to call a number and leave a voicemail. If they where interested they could leave a voicemail back. You can see all of this took time. Then you would have to talk on the phone because we didn’t have cell phones back then. Through all of this searching I met who I thought was an amazing woman. She had broken her leg not too long back and was doing physical therapy to strengthen the leg without the cast. She was lonely and I wanted to know so much. I was only sixteen at the time but no one ever guessed it. I worked full-time to support myself and so I was just accepted as an adult. I never got carded anywhere I went,but times where different back then. She was in her early twenties and she knew where everything was. We would hang out and go shopping. We hung out at the clubs in Hillcrest and even went to the gay pride festival together. I was young and naive but I was sure I was in love. The thing about those times though, was even with so many people out and being open there was still a lot of hate. It was common to hear about gay and lesbian people being attacked or hurt when people would throw things from their car as they drove by. It was still a problem in most work places. So eventually my friend had to return to work and in her mind that meant our friendship had to end also. I was crushed, and called her so many times. Going to the extreme of finding her new number when she changed it. It was different for me because I didn’t care what anyone thought. I don’t think it even occured to me to care. I understand now her position it wasn’t just being a lesbian, it was my age. I remember she got pretty angry at me and said hurtful things. I realize now it was the only way to make me stop pursuing her. My feelings where devastated though. Although she was the first woman I thought I loved the pattern would repeat. Back in those days it seemed I would find a woman who was interested while we where at the club or friends house that would be interested. In the morning with reality came the inevitable denial. I know things are different now but I think I still have reservations about women from these early days.
My First Lesbian Love