Honest Evaluation Of My Past Self

Reminding myself to keep moving forward and change when needed

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” 

The Fire Bird Is My Soul Animal Representing Past And Change

Relating to being born again through trial and error

Why the Phoenix you might ask. It is a bold choice I think for my logo. Many might be drawn to a softer more feminine choice to make a lovely first impression. I guess that is exactly why I went with the stronger choice in the flaming bird. To me it represents my past and the changes I have made.

To me the Phoenix’s story of being reborn from fire really gives me the feels in my soul. I look back at my past and I have always felt like in my life I I have lived many lives. With each major change in my life I made drastic moves. With a divorce for example I would not just leave my husband.

Phases In My Life

Making mistakes and moving forward

My next phase of my life would begin. I would leave friends and belongings behind. Because of my childhood and the many loses I really do not create ties to objects. Unfortunately I have also been present after the death of friends and family and witnessed what happens to those cherished items. No one wants them. Even pictures get tossed in trash bins.

The rising above mental health issues phoenix change

I Am A Soul Leech

But recognizing my faults is a step closer

So I tend to become interested in my spouses intrests. I usually jump from intrests after immersing myself in them. I find that my spouses have more emotional ties to their intrests which bring out in me a deeper intrests.

Draining My Victims

Acknowledging my past for a better future

I find that I infact can be very draining for people. Although I do not have ties to things I tend to immensely have interests in people and their stories. I will ask about their past relentlessly. The details will be dug up. The more private or sensitive the better. I seem to have a talent for it. But I digress…

In Conclusion

I am aware I was an asshole.

Back to my topic, the Phoenix fire bird really feels like my spiritual animal. Throughout my life I have endured many truamatic events. I came out a better person afterwards I believe. If I didn’t grow from my mistakes I wouldn’t be the person I am today. The mother that I was to my children wouldn’t have been created without the neglect I was subjected to.

*I take stock of my life and situation often. Journaling has been a really great tool for me. Journaling for me is often a positive experience. On occasion though I do feel it’s important to remind myself of aspects that I don’t like. This reminds me I’m glad I have improved. This is an example of grounding myself. I appreciate my husband more when I acknowledge my difficult side.

Moon neecee b author mental illness agoraphobia past change born again

The Phoenix

“In the times of doubt,

and confusion,

It symbolizes strength,

transformation and renewal.

For only from the ashes of who we were,

can we rise up to who we’re to be.”

More About The Legend Of The Phoenix

Phoenix (mythology)

In Ancient Greek folklore, a phoenix (; Ancient Greek: φοῖνιξ, phoînix) is a long-lived bird that cyclically regenerates or is otherwise born again. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor.

5 thoughts on “The Phoenix And Lessons From My Past”

  1. If you’re aware that your draining the people around you with relentless questioning, or diving in deep into their hobbies, what makes you still do that if you’re aware it’s a bit of an issue?

    1. I don’t do it to the point that I used to. With people I have just met I have a way about me that gets them to open up. It is crazy the things people have told me on first meeting. I tend to have phases in my life where I make drastic changes which include new friend sets. So people in general don’t have problems with me because of it. In fact a lot of people seem relieved to tell me these things. Where the issues arose was with spouses. And it is part of the reason I am on my fourth marriage. As for not doing it, it is my happiness in a relationship. I honestly wouldn’t have married them at all if they where not able to at least at first talk openly. In the end I’m the one who gets bored when they run dry of stories, or get tired of it. I’m open about it and everything about myself so I guess I figure they knew what they signed up for. Honestly it probably is an issue for me with my current husband. We have done a lot of therapy I individually and together though to maintain our marriage. This is the first time I have gotten past the seven year mark. Medication for OCD has allowed me to control the questioning a great deal. But I still wish he was more open. He needs to retain some of himself though. I try to be respectful. It is a problem though largely to do with a variation of OCD where it gets in my head and I get an overwhelming need to say or ask what is on my mind or it would torture me till I relented and let it out.

  2. I have no experience with OCD, but my BPD gave me and my relationships two and a half month cut off whereby their mere touch would suddenly become repulsive to me. So much so I gave up on relationships for about a decade.

    Mental health issues can really make relationships difficult, but at least you’re trying to make it work, and all we can do is try, at the end of the day

    1. I agree. I think it has been why I am huge on honesty and being up front. I always let a person know everything I know about myself and problems I have experienced previously. They still aren’t prepared until they experience it but I think we all have issues of some sort it’s just about finding someone that my crazy plays well with their crazy.

  3. I have always had a special connection to felines, equines, and canines, so I have not decided what embodies my spirit animal, but I love how the values of the phoenix bird interlock with your life so deeply.

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