Was My Mom Dead In Her Room

Truama In Childhood

Mom Picked The Wrong One

As a child my mom was never able to pick “good men” and my stepfather was the epitome of that. My mom had a way about her though that would bring out the devil from a saint. She was a sloppy drunk had no skills as a wife or mother that I was ever able to find. Her biggest failure was getting with men who were also alcoholics and drug users.

Her Desire To Be Taken Care Of

This led to disastrous situations. The man she married though was one of the worst. I remember a time when he led a police chase to our home, came busting in with the cops pulling up as soon as he got the door shut behind him. He ran to the bathroom to dump the drugs he had on him down the toilet.

It Was Always Someone Else’s Fault

The cops were soon in the living room with my mom and me as they brought him threw after getting him out of the bathroom where they found that he also had a gun. They stopped in the living room and in front of us asked him where the gun came from. I’ll never forget when he told them it must be mine. Mind you I don’t think I was in kindergarten yet but maybe so I was either five or six years old. Yes, this is the man my mom wanted. He also had his parents bail him out that night but left my mother because they couldn’t be bothered with her. I was picked up from the station by my grandparents. It wasn’t the last time. But you probably can see where this is going.

He Made Such An Impression She Moved Him In With Us

It wasn’t too long after that when he moved in. It was horrible after about two or three weeks. He decided I was no longer allowed to spend time at my friend’s house or sleepover anywhere at all. Luckily though they dumped me on my grandmother a lot. But he also came up with the nifty idea I wasn’t allowed to see my real father again and that his name was never to be spoken again.

He Took Over The House

It seems to me so crazy, writing this but it’s what he came up with and my mother had no back bone so that’s what happened. The rules didn’t stop there, and the insults to my mom never stopped. Now I will be really honest here and tell you I can’t think of a nice thing to say about my mother either. But the things he would say shouldn’t have been heard by children. But I don’t think I was ever considered a child in that home.

It I wasn’t Given A Choice But This Made This Their Life

The fact is that I didn’t choose her as my mother. The thing that always confused me about him was he chose her. He also stayed with her almost till the end but that’s getting into a whole different story. The insults didn’t take long to turn into punches and then it became the norm in our household. I could tell you many different stories but the one that’s clearest in my mind was a time when the two of them had really been going at it.

It Wasn’t A Fair Fight

For better visuals my stepfather was six-two inches and kinda broad. Not a skinny guy but not far so I guess average, my mom was five foot five and maybe a hundred pounds on her worst day. So my dad is punching her and she would go back and start him up again. Each time my dad is telling her to stay away and to go to the room.

At Times I Wasn’t Sure If She Enjoyed It

Of course she won’t listen she is black and blue at this point and looking like the losing boxer at the end of the match. I think at this point he is just tired of punching her. Maybe in an effort to stop it he picks her up by what looks like the loop in her jeans and probably her hair and tosses her from the living room down our hallway to the room at the end of the hallway. Even though she didn’t weigh much her body made a sickening sound when it hit the floor.

The Absence Of Sound Was Deafeningly

She didn’t make any more noise. It was silence, and after the almost unbearable sound of them fighting it that made you sick to your stomach. I don’t know if it was the silence that got to my dad or maybe his gut started to turn from what he did. The blood drained from his face he looked paper white. When I say white I mean like I have never seen a person this white since. This white was from terror though and his eyes where huge. He turned to me and I got real scared like when they say a ghost has passed through them and they got cold that was the closest I ever got to that feeling.

I Believed Him When He Said He Killed Her

When he turned to me he said “I killed her” and I knew he truly believed he had. I had things going through my mind and I’m embarrassed to admit for a split second I thought I might get out of that hell and be sent to my grandmother. But he wasn’t finished, he told me “I’m afraid to check, you go in there and make sure she is alive”. Mind you at this time I believe myself to about ten years old. It made me feel real powerful in that moment though. Here he was the tough man and I had to go check on my mom because he couldn’t.

The Room Was Dark And I Could See Her Feet

Of course I was too young to realize he was just afraid of prison and it had nothing to do with my mother’s well being. I told him I would go check on her. I don’t think I had any fear if her being dead. I should have though, because I was a witness and who knows what he would have done. I was focused now and determined to start down the hall. But as I got to the I realize I can see her feet inside of the room. They are pointing down and I was afraid she was facing down. I walked down the hallway any way. I didn’t want him to think I was affected in any way.

Once Inside My Determination Was Slipping

The door is half open so I kinda just walk in without touching it. For some reason I didn’t want to touch anything. My mom was sprawled on the floor not moving at all at first I saw no signs of her breathing. No noticable movements of her back rising with a breath. So I had to get closer to her face. Once I bent over a little real close to her though, I could get her breathing.

I’m Ashamed Of My Thoughts That Day

I know I’m the worst person in the world, but I was almost disappointed. I haven’t told you all of the stories so you don’t know yet the things my mother put me through. But if I’m going to be honest I was disappointed. Then I walked back out to my dad and told him. For a minute he didn’t believe I think he had convinced himself of the worst. I’m sure he was considering a million plans while I checked her.

It Didn’t Change Anything That Day

He probably only thought of himself during the time it took me to check. Of course for me it felt likes hours to go and check her but in his state it was probably forever. Even that wasn’t enough to split them up. I’m sure my mom broke some bones. She would never go to the hospital though. We just learned how to make wraps for her injuries. Sometimes it was the ribs, the worst were the fingers though. Bent sometimes in unnatural ways. We would just do our best at home. For me though it just cemented in my head that I would never be like my mom.

This And Other Stories On My Site Are Real. The Memories Are Mine. I’m Going To Leave Some Links Below About Domestic Violence. You Can Also Find Some More Of My Stories In The Menu.

Domestic Violence

Family and domestic violence (including child abuse, intimate partner abuse, and elder abuse) is a common problem in the United States. Family and domestic health violence are estimated to affect 10 million people in the United States every year.

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